When children are young, birthday parties are a way to make them feel special, with family and friends in attendance. However, after a divorce, celebrating a child’s birthday may feel like a complicated and daunting task. Your child deserves to have a great day, but seeing your ex-spouse and being reminded of your divorce may not be the best situation for everyone involved. You may also feel increased pressure to make things perfect for your child, especially if you are recently divorced.

To start, your parenting plan may have all the answers. You might have communicated what to do for family birthdays in your divorce agreement. A parenting plan dictates which parent a child spends time with and when. Maybe that was a while ago, and things have changed, or it was not included at all. 

Marriage is a union that brings two people together. In order to get married in Illinois, two adults age 18 years or older have to sign a marriage license at the county clerk’s office. After presenting proper identification and paying a fee, you can be legally married. It takes two consenting adults to get married, but when it comes to divorce, if one partner cannot be located, service by publication can be issued to relieve the abandoned partner.

When getting a divorce, the first step is to file a petition to end the marriage with the court. This involves paperwork you file with your local clerk’s office. Your petition will be assigned a case number and a judge, and a summons will be issued. The summons is what the other spouse receives to initiate the divorce process. There are five ways to provide this notice:

Child custody, known as the allocation of parental responsibilities in Illinois, is one of the more complicated aspects of a divorce. Despite your opinion and feelings about your ex-spouse, you both still have the common ground of loving your children together. No one wants to feel like their children are taken away, or that they are being purposely kept from them. With the right parenting plan, you can create a schedule that benefits everyone. 

In recent years, Illinois has implemented changes to family law procedures regarding divorce and children. Along with the change from child custody to the allocation of parental responsibilities, the terms “sole” and “joint” custody are no longer used. Visitation is also an outdated term, and parenting time is now used in its place. 

With all the planning and effort it takes to get married, getting a divorce is an equally demanding reversal. However, instead of booking venues and picking flower arrangements, you are hiring attorneys and dividing assets. Some religions also frown upon divorce, which can add another layer of complexity. Still, there are many possible reasons someone may decide to divorce their spouse. 

In Illinois, a judge will grant a divorce if the couple has irreconcilable differences or has lived separately for six months. The divorce process starts by filing forms and serving them to your spouse. If you are conflicted on your reasons for wanting a divorce, here is a list of common factors that often cause individuals to make the critical decision.

When two people get married, their financial situations change. The same is true in divorce. In Illinois, spouses who earn less money typically receive spousal maintenance (formerly known as spousal support or alimony). Here is a look at how spousal maintenance is calculated.

What Is Spousal Maintenance?

Spousal maintenance protects the individual in the marriage who makes less money and who would, therefore, be at an economic disadvantage in divorce. For example, one spouse may have stopped working to raise the family while the other maintained a high-paying career. Maintenance is meant to maintain the standard of living for both former partners. 

Often when people fall in love, they get married to show their commitment to their partner. It is a significant gesture and an even bigger step in a relationship. A wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, so after a divorce, it may feel hard to love and accept yourself.

There is no right or wrong way to feel during or after a divorce. Everyone has different experiences depending on the length of the marriage and if children are involved. In some cases, a divorce may be the best thing for everyone, although it may not feel that way at the time.

Your adolescent child may be closer to being an adult than an infant, but your son or daughter is at a transitional time in their life when it comes to emotions and self-esteem. Teenagers may appear adjusted to the idea of their parents getting a divorce, but they often take it harder than younger siblings. 

The World Health Organization classifies an adolescent as someone between the ages of 10 and 19. There are many things a child in that age frame can worry about, from acne to getting into the right college. The pressure to do well in school, maintain a social life, and participate in extracurricular activities can be overwhelming. On top of that, from puberty onward, there are physical and emotional changes that have a significant impact on a teenager’s life. 

When getting a divorce, one issue commonly discussed is which parent a child spends time with and when in the form of a parenting plan. Parenting plans break down custody and visitation, or parenting time in regard to separated parents, from daily schedules to special circumstances like holidays. 

After a divorce, other family members such as grandparents may want to spend time with a child as well. The relationship a parent may have with the grandparents of their child can change after a divorce. A parent’s rights come first, and each state has its own legislation regarding people who are not parents of the child. In Illinois, grandparents may have the right to visit with a grandchild, depending on the circumstances, after a divorce. This is also the case for stepparents, great-grandparents, and siblings.

The topic of divorce is difficult for many couples. The relationship may have become one-sided or perhaps both spouses are unhappy. The best way to convey these feelings is to communicate about the status of your relationship, but that often does not occur until it is too late to save a marriage.

Many spouses first learn of their partner’s intention to divorce them when they are told they have already filed a Petition for a Dissolution of Marriage. This is the first step in the divorce process and your spouse is required by law to alert you that a petition has been filed with the court. Official notification by legal notice is typically mailed or delivered by a process server. In the event you cannot be located, a notice is posted in a newspaper of general circulation in your area. 

With New Year’s and the holiday season now in the rearview mirror, children will soon go back to school. Winter break is a great time to enjoy days with your children and celebrate together. With your child being off from school for multiple weeks, hopefully your parenting plan worked sufficiently for you and your ex-spouse as you navigated the packed schedule. 

Parenting plans should be formulated during the initial divorce process. They detail when a child gets to spend time with each parent and provide instructions for situations like extracurricular activities, holidays, and day-to-day life, such as exchanges of parenting time and a child's educational needs.

With the new year on the way, people always look for ways to improve themselves for the upcoming calendar year. Some may choose to eat better, work out more, or pick up a new hobby.

After a divorce, it often takes some time to adjust and get used to no longer being with your spouse, especially if the marriage lasted for many years, but the new year brings a fresh opportunity to reinvent yourself. You can do this at any time after the divorce, but with millions of other Americans setting goals to better themselves, you might feel inspired. If you have friends who set resolutions as well, it can be helpful to have them as your support network.

No matter what holiday you celebrate this time of year, if you are recently divorced with children, it can be difficult to let go of your ex-spouse and the times you had. Family holidays like Christmas typically increase the level of communication between you, and if this is your first holiday season after your split or divorce, planning festivities may feel like a daunting task. Your parenting plan is a great place to start. 

A parenting plan should provide a breakdown of all important holidays. School-aged children have extra time off this time of year, so your plan should reflect that in a manner that is fair to both parents. Splitting a child’s time off and allowing each parent to have either Christmas or Christmas Eve is a good way to go. 

Although it has become more common for women to keep their maiden name for personal or professional reasons, taking a spouse’s last name when you get married is still a common practice. The tradition originates from old 19th century English law, where women were required to assume their husband’s surname. Today, 20 percent of women in the United States retain their birth names, but what happens when a member of the 80 percent decides to get a divorce? 

Since the 1980s, the divorce rate in the United States has decreased. Today, for first-time marriages, it sits at around 45 percent. When divorcing your spouse, a request to change back to your maiden name should be included in your divorce petition. This only concerns a switch to your birth name. A new request should be filed if you wish to change your name to something else.

Enlisting children in extracurricular activities builds confidence and opens doors to different interests. Participating in music, sports, or clubs as a child can create lifelong skills and passions. 

A break in the family, such as a divorce, can make life feel uncertain for your children, and create conflicts between parents. Perhaps one parent thinks the violin lessons are going nowhere, or horseback riding lessons are too expensive, while the other disagrees.

Did you know married couples with teenage daughters are more likely to get divorced than those without? Still, it is much more than the occasional screams and door slams from a teenage girl that leads to a divorce.

Both male and female teens go through dramatic changes during those years, and divorce can turn things even more traumatic. This change may pile up on everything else they are feeling. 

Thanksgiving starts the holiday season that recently divorced couples sometimes dread. When children are involved, holidays like Thanksgiving that are family based often get complicated. While your parenting plan likely covers holidays and other special dates, that does not mean it will be an easy time emotionally. 

Cooking for a large group of people is intimidating enough. Here are some tips for surviving your first Thanksgiving after a divorce:

Illinois is an equal distribution state, which means when assets are split between two parties in a divorce, the judge determines what is a fair division. This does not mean assets are split 50/50, however, and numerous factors are considered, including:

• Length of the marriage.
• How much each spouse makes.
• Health and age.
• Standard of living.

If the home you and your spouse lived in was marital property, one person will typically be granted the family home. This is usually the spouse who has primary residential care of any children under the allocation of parental responsibilities (formerly called custody). For the other spouse, this means finding a new residence. 

When signing a prenup agreement, it may feel like divorce is the inevitable conclusion, but if a couple gets divorced without one, the parties go to court to decide the division of assets if mutual decisions cannot be made. Signing a prenup before marriage addresses many issues a couple may face if divorce occurs, as long as no one tries to break the agreement.

What is a Prenuptial Agreement? 

A prenup is an agreement two people make before they are married, which settles financial and other arrangements in case the marriage fails. A person might suggest getting a prenuptial agreement if:

• He or she makes significantly more than the other partner.
• Both are business owners or entrepreneurs.
• One person has a high amount of debt.
• They have been married before and/or have children. 

Prenups are best known for protecting premarital assets. Without a prenup, the financial burdens of your spouse may become yours, even after divorce. They are also used to determine alimony. Because they are private agreements, prenup terms can be tied to how long a marriage lasts. Clauses can be added such as a confidentiality to protect the details of your divorce or marriage from publication. 

Change is once again coming to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA), and this time it is taking aim at the calculation method for spousal maintenance, formerly known as alimony. Spousal maintenance is governed by Section 504 of the IMDMA and is the contribution that one party (the “Payor”) gives to the other party (the “Payee”) based upon a calculation which is currently dependent upon the GROSS* incomes of the parties. 

In order to determine if spousal maintenance is appropriate, the court will first make a determination using the facts of the case and applying them to various factors that they deem to be relevant. If the court decides that maintenance is appropriate, they will then move forward and determine the guideline calculation.

Generally, guideline maintenance is awarded if the parties’ combined GROSS annual income is less than $500,000.00, and the Payor has no obligation to pay child support, maintenance, or both from a prior relationship.

Divorce can be a financially draining process, but it can also take an emotional toll. It takes a long time for a couple to build a life together, and no matter how many problems you and your spouse have, divorce is the end of that relationship. No matter who initiates the divorce, the emotional and physical separation is tough on both parties. Here are some tips for taking care of yourself while going through a divorce and after the divorce process has been completed: 

• Follow a Routine - Having consistency during this time of uncertainty will help you carry on. Even though your marriage is officially ending, it is important to keep living your life and participating in activities you enjoy. Do not stop going to your book club or getting drinks with friends after work on Fridays. The only thing that has changed is your relationship status. 
• Stay Healthy - If you do not already exercise regularly, now is the perfect time to start. Physical activity improves your mood and keeps your body strong. Even if it is just a walk around the block, keeping your blood flowing can help lift your spirits. Do not forget to keep feeding your body good things, too. There is nothing wrong with comfort food, but do not let cheesy and greasy foods become the majority of what you are eating. 
• Be Kind to Yourself - It is very easy to blame yourself for the end of your marriage, but you are not the only reason for the divorce. People change over time, and sometimes their goals do not align with those changes. It is completely normal to have ups and downs in a relationship, but if the downs are bad enough, it is okay to admit that a divorce was the best option for the both of you. 
• Reflect - Even though your breakup has a name with a capital “D,” at the end of the day it is still a breakup. Take time to mourn the relationship. It is sad that your marriage ended, and it is perfectly acceptable to feel that way. Think about some of the positive things that can come from your divorce, like a chance for a fresh start. For example, you now have more time to spend with your friends or start a new hobby

Contact a Schaumburg Divorce Attorney Today

If, despite the love you and your spouse once shared, you cannot make your marriage work, you should be sure to understand your legal options. Contact a Rolling Meadows divorce lawyer from Anderson and Associates, P.C. to discuss the divorce process. Call 847-995-9999 to arrange a free consultation.

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