When parents get a divorce, they are still responsible for taking care of their children. How this is orchestrated may change, but every child has the right to receive support from both of their parents, emotionally and financially. This is why when parenting plans are created, a judge will likely keep both parents involved in the child’s life unless there are extreme circumstances, such as abuse. Child support is how the noncustodial parent will financially contribute to the child’s well-being. 

Determining Child Support

When child support is calculated in Illinois, both parents’ net incomes are considered using an "income shares" model. The numerical amount of support that parents are responsible for is based on their percentage of combined net income. The paying parent is usually the person who has the least amount of parenting time. Child support for the main custodial parent is implied. Money paid for child support goes toward basic needs, medical costs, and school expenses for the child only. 

A divorce is a difficult time for many couples. Whether you have been married for one year or 20 years, the divorce process can be long and stressful. Once the complicated steps such as property division and creating a parenting plan are over, it is time to begin moving on with your life. Although a divorce may be finalized, you may still have lingering feelings about the marriage or your ex-partner. Divorce can be a big lifestyle change, and this transition can prove challenging. 

Grieving the Loss of Your Marriage

Getting a divorce means losing an important person in your life. It is normal to grieve this loss. Mourning the relationship with your ex-spouse can be cathartic. However, while contemplation is good, dwelling on the past can hinder you from moving on. A person getting a divorce may go through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

When a married couple decides to get a divorce, a child under the age of 18 is directly affected. In Illinois, the parental responsibilities for a child are allocated between parents during divorce. The living situation of a young child may change as well, since parenting time is also split between each parent. However, once a child becomes an adult and has moved out of the house, the parents' divorce may not change his or her day-to-day life, but it can still have a significant emotional impact. It is important for parents to communicate with their adult child throughout their divorce proceedings, and this can help all family members make as smooth a transition as possible. 

Tips for a Positive Relationship With Your Adult Child

Parents may assume that an adult child will be unaffected by divorce. In fact, a child of any age who is watching his or her parents get divorced is still likely to face a variety of challenges. When living away from home, a divorce may come as a shock, and a child may struggle to adjust to the changes. Although an adult child can, in theory, process the trauma of divorce better than a young child, he or she may not want to deal with the emotional baggage, and this can cause relationships between parents and children to suffer.

These days, it is more common for both parents in a household to hold a career while raising children together. However, having one parent stay at home to raise children is still a popular option for many families. This choice may be the personal preference of the homemaker, or a couple may find this option to be more financially feasible. Either way, for a stay-at-home parent, getting a divorce can be a difficult and nerve-wracking situation.

If you are a stay-at-home parent, you are likely the primary caregiver for your children. Although you may have had a career or job at one time, being a full-time stay-at-home parent has taken you out of the workplace. It may be necessary to go back to work after a divorce to support yourself and your children, but several post-divorce financial solutions may assist you with getting back on your feet financially.

The decision to divorce is difficult for any married couple. Whether it is losing the person you love, not seeing your children as often, or adapting to a new lifestyle, everyone has valid fears when the divorce process begins. Another common concern is about personal finances after you and your spouse split. If your spouse makes a significant amount of money, or if you do not have a college degree, giving up that financial support may feel hopeless.

Division of Assets

Unless you signed a prenuptial agreement before getting married, Illinois has a process when it comes to property and debt in a divorce called equitable division. While this does not mean that each spouse gets an equal share of marital property, the division of assets is done based on what is fair, while taking certain factors into consideration. How assets are divided are based on the length of a marriage, how much each spouse contributed to the marriage, economic and health circumstances, and whether children are involved. When it comes to physical property, premarital assets are usually left with the owner, and marital assets are included in the equitable division process.

Illinois is an equal distribution state, which means when assets are split between two parties in a divorce, the judge determines what is a fair division. This does not mean assets are split 50/50, however, and numerous factors are considered, including:

• Length of the marriage.
• How much each spouse makes.
• Health and age.
• Standard of living.

If the home you and your spouse lived in was marital property, one person will typically be granted the family home. This is usually the spouse who has primary residential care of any children under the allocation of parental responsibilities (formerly called custody). For the other spouse, this means finding a new residence. 

Sometimes, when someone chooses to get a divorce, their spouse refuses to agree to the dissolution of their marriage. This may be due to denial or an attempt to control a spouse in the case of domestic abuse, or, in some cases, the couple may have separated, and a spouse cannot be located. If your spouse is refusing to cooperate in your divorce case, you should be sure to understand your legal options.

Irreconcilable Differences

In Illinois, irreconcilable differences are the only recognized grounds for divorce. This means that the couple is not able to solve the issues in their marriage. It is considered a no-fault ground for divorce, which means that neither spouse is to blame for the deterioration of the marriage. If a couple lives separately for at least six months, this is a presumption of irreconcilable differences.  

Some common reasons a spouse may refuse to agree to a divorce include:

Getting a divorce is rarely an easy process, and it is further complicated when children are involved. A divorce with children brings up the topics of child custody (allocation of parental responsibilities), visitation (parenting time), and child support. By choosing the right attorney, you can alleviate the stress of planning your upcoming divorce while ensuring that your rights are protected as you and your ex-spouse plan for how to continue to raise your children together after the end of your marriage.

No matter the feelings between the parents, it is important to talk with children and discuss what divorce entails for your family. Depending on their emotional maturity, older children may have an easier time understanding divorce, but younger children often struggle to understand and adjust to the changes in their lives. Here are some guidelines for discussing divorce with children who are six years old or younger: 

Zero to 18 Months Old

A child this young barely has the developmental skills to form a proper sentence, let alone discuss or understand their parents’ divorce. However, children at this age can pick up on tension at home. Hold off on discussing the divorce in detail with children this young until they are older. Ease the stress on your infant by remaining consistent with them in your daily routines. This means taking care of yourself, ensuring that you will be able to continue to provide quality care for your infant during and after your divorce. 

Breaking up is hard to do, and when you have been married and spent years of your life with another person, ending your relationship can be even harder. Divorce can leave many people with feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness, but there are things you can do to help yourself through the transition period after a divorce:

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

This is probably the most important step to healing after a divorce. While you are not mourning the loss of your spouse’s life, you are mourning the loss of a relationship. Your marriage was a very significant relationship, and ending it will require you to completely reconfigure your life. Even if you were the one who wanted and initiated the divorce, you still should allow yourself time to fully comprehend the changes you are experiencing.

Divorce is an emotionally daunting experience, but it can also be financially daunting, especially when it comes to the assets you own. Splitting your assets during divorce can be a lengthy process, and it can become frustrating if you and your ex-spouse get into bitter arguments about who gets what or how certain property should be allocated. Illinois law dictates that marital property is subject to equitable distribution, and non-marital property is not. In a nutshell, marital property includes any assets that were acquired during the marriage. It is important to understand how to divide certain assets, including the following types of marital property:

1. The House

The easiest way to divide this real estate asset is to sell your house and split the money. This works if neither spouse has a particular attachment to the home, and it offers an easier, less stressful way of dealing with what is often one of the most valuable marital assets. Before you sell your home, you should get the house appraised, ensuring that you know exactly what your property is worth.

In today’s families, parents often function as equal partners when raising their children, and both mothers and fathers are highly involved in decision-making and day-to-day care. Close relationships with their parents are beneficial for children, and these relationships should continue even if parents decide to end their marriage through divorce. 

In recent years, the divorce laws in Illinois have been updated to reflect the nature of modern parenting. The presumption that one parent will have custody of children has been replaced with the allocation of parental responsibility between parents, and rather than granting temporary visitation for a non-custodial parent, each parent will have parenting time with their children. 

Some advocates are pushing for additional changes to the law that they believe would protect parents’ rights. Currently, the Illinois House of Representatives is considering a bill which would change divorce laws to presume that it is in children’s best interests to have equal amounts of parenting time with both parents.

When parents decide to divorce, both they and their children may have difficulty adjusting to the major changes they will be experiencing in their lives. Some growing pains are inevitable as children become accustomed to dividing their time between two separate homes. However, parents can work to provide a good environment for their children by avoiding the following mistakes:

• Involving children in conflict - Even though parents will likely not get along very well during divorce, it is important to avoid arguing in front of children or exposing them to disagreements. This can be very damaging to children, so parents should work to resolve their disputes when children are not present.
• Inconsistency - Parents should work to maintain consistent rules and schedules at both their houses, which will provide children with a sense of security and help them avoid feeling anxious about what to expect. 
• Competition - Parents should avoid trying to win their children’s affection by overindulging them or giving them everything they ask for. It is also important for a parent to avoid speaking negatively about the other parent or blaming the other parent for the divorce.
• Sending messages - Parents should communicate with each other directly rather than sending messages through their children. Making children act as messengers can put them in the middle of conflict and cause them anxiety.
• Spying - While a parent may be tempted to ask children about their former spouse’s emotional state, the condition of their home, or their dating activities, it is important to avoid doing so, since this can place a great deal of stress on children.
• Forcing children to choose - Children should never be asked to make decisions about where they should live or choose sides in parental conflicts. This places children in a difficult position, and it can lead to a great deal of emotional difficulty for everyone involved. Parents should work together to make decisions or reach compromises without involving their children.

Contact a Palatine Divorce Attorney

During divorce, it is important to put children’s best interests first, and both parents should work together to resolve their disagreements in a way that creates a good foundation for an ongoing co-parenting relationship. At Anderson & Associates, P.C., we can work with you to resolve your divorce disputes through negotiation or mediation, and if necessary, we will advocate for your parental rights in court. Contact a Rolling Meadows divorce lawyer at 847-995-9999 to schedule a free consultation.